sometimes things just creep up on you, catch you off guard.....blindside you.....like my daughter asking me yesterday about dad and how he died, why he died, where did he go, why did he go, what are we going to do with the ashes, what happened...questions that I try to answer as best I can for an 8 year old, but yet I struggle to find the answers myself, the guilt just creeps in again, of why I didnt stop it, why I didnt do something more....then it creeps up on you like seeing a picture of my brother, his smile, his hands the familiarity of them, the are my fathers hands and smile. Like opening up my makeup bag and the scent consumes me..the bottle of aftershave, the one my dad was wearing the day he died...I miss him, words do not begin to cover it..so much to tell him, so much to say..this song keeps playing in my head and my spun up on my ipod today, making me catch my breath...again...
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