sometimes things creep up on you..

sometimes things just creep up on you, catch you off guard.....blindside you.....like my daughter asking me yesterday about dad and how he died, why he died, where did he go, why did he go, what are we going to do with the ashes, what happened...questions that I try to answer as best I can for an 8 year old, but yet I struggle to find the answers myself, the guilt just creeps in again, of why I didnt stop it, why I didnt do something more....then it creeps up on you like seeing a picture of my brother, his smile, his hands the familiarity of them, the are my fathers hands and smile.  Like opening up my makeup bag and the scent consumes me..the bottle of aftershave, the one my dad was wearing the day he died...I miss him, words do not begin to cover it..so much to tell him, so much to say..this song keeps playing in my head and my spun up on my ipod today, making me catch my breath...again...

Dad...

I miss you every single day. Not a day goes by that you are not in my thoughts. It hurts.

I wish I could celebrate your birthday with you. I wish you were here. Happy Birthday.

I love you. x

Happy Fathers Day

Happy Fathers Day to all the Dad, Grandads, Step Dads out there.

A special mention goes to my Dad, wherever you are, I had a cold one for you today Dad. I shed a tear for you today Dad. I miss you more today Dad.

We spent they day with our best buddies and their peeps at their beachhouse, lucky us. We went out for lunch, a lovely cool cruisy pub lunch, easy and yum! It was the boys choice so they go what they wanted...today anyway!

I hope you all had a fabulous and loving day with your beloved Dads, give them an extra hug and kiss today...they arent here forever. x

mixed emotions..

Sorry I havent been around this week. It has been a big week here, lots going on, lots of mixed emotions. Last weekend it was my girls 8th birthday. We had a big weekend with a sleepover party, singstar and lots of fun. She had a magnificent time, and was so happy it was lovely. She even got a surprise visit from her cousins which just topped it all off.

the psychotic green cake!

the boy & nan doing early morning singstar in their pj's

a little bit of disco!

breakfast pancakes thanks to dad!

the girls on the way to bed!

We also had a visit to the doctors for both Freckles and myself. Freckles had an injury that was not healing on her leg and had to get minor surgery done on it, so it has been very sore all week, and still ongoing. Myself, I had a filthy case of Pharangytis, the sorest throat on the planet, fevers, chills, lethargy it was horrid, but I am feeling a little better now.

Other than that I have been completing alot of Fathers Day orders and sent out an order for a wedding party this week. It was so fun and they turned out gorgeous dont you think?

wedding order on its way to WA.

And lastly...yesterday was the 2 year anniversary of my fathers death. An extremely hard day for me, too hard to put into words actually. I am still having trouble coming to terms with it and probably need to seek some help for it, as i still talk, and act as if he is still here, I just cant seem to accept it. Luckily I have some beautiful friends who helped me through the day, so thank you to you all, you know who you are.

To my dad, I miss you more than words, the hole in my heart is huge. It still feels like yesterday since you slipped away in my arms..I cannot accept it and would dearly love you back even for a day..I love you dad x

Happy Birthday Dad

Yesterday would have been my Dad's 63rd birthday.

Happy Birthday Dad,


It has been 503 days since you left me, if feels like yesterday.


I miss you.


Love your daughter,

307

It has been 307 days Dad.
I miss you more than words.